Dude, you stole the wrong bike.
A Craigslist user who apparently had his bike stolen from his Jones and Gerrard home in Toronto posted an ad on the free classifieds site threatening the thief who took it.
“Someone broke into my house and stole my bike,” the ad reads. “If I find you I will mame [sic] you for life.”
Clearly this is someone who is not to be messed with. And clearly he or she was very much in love with his white 10-speed with mountain-bike handlebars. You can see the pride in the photo of the stolen two-wheeler.
“I was in the military for nine years and got paid to kill people.”
However, the victim is considerate enough to give the thief a chance to avoid maiming or death.
“You return my bike to Jones and Gerrard and I won’t kill you,” he writes. “Just leave my bike inside the red gate.”
If you are the thief, you know specifically where he’s referring.
And, for your own safety, do the right thing here.