10 memorable ‘Late Show’ quotes from David Letterman

Ten memorable quotes from David Letterman, who announced he’s retiring from “Late Show” on Thursday:

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“I think the longer we just sit here, the more uncomfortable it will make Jay.” — Letterman after sharing awkward silence with Conan O’Brien following the fellow talk show host’s mix-up with Jay Leno in 2012.

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“You’re going to be sick for weeks. You won’t be out of the egg for a month.” — Letterman to Lady Gaga after the outlandish pop star put his notes in her mouth during an appearance in 2011.

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“The creepy stuff was that I have had sex with women who worked for me on this show. Now, my response to that is yes I have. I have had sex with women who worked on this show. Would it be embarrassing if it were made public? Perhaps it would, especially for the women.” — Letterman addressing an extortion scandal that led him to bare his infidelities on the show in 2009.

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“Joaquin, I’m sorry you couldn’t be here tonight.” — Letterman to Joaquin Phoenix after the “Walk the Line” star’s bizarre 2009 interview in which he claimed he was dropping acting to become a hip-hop musician.

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“This doesn’t smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. Somebody’s putting something in his Metamucil.” — Letterman after Republican presidential candidate Sen. John McCain cancelled his appearance at the last minute in 2008.

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“How’d you like being in jail?” — Letterman to Paris Hilton following her lockup in 2007.

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“If you didn’t believe it before — and it’s easy to understand how you might have been skeptical on this point — if you didn’t believe it before, you can absolutely believe it now: New York City is the greatest city in the world.” — Letterman during his monologue on his first show back after the Sept. 11 attacks in 2001.

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“While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut.” — Letterman during his monologue on his first show after heart surgery in 2000.

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“I can’t thank you enough for that.” — Letterman after Drew Barrymore flashed her breasts to him on his birthday in 1995.

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“I wanna thank you folks for coming in for this run-through show. Thank you very much. This, of course, will never see the light of day. You won’t miss a thing tonight.” — Letterman to the audience after Madonna repeatedly cursed during an interview in 1994.